About this title: After decades of studying both successful and splitting married couples, John Gottman has distilled his findings into basic precepts for success, explaining how and why they work. Rejecting traditional assumptions about the things that make a marriage work, Gottman cites "emotional intelligence" as the bedrock of marital success. He turns his ...
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Note: This is a general synopsis. Each listing is described below.
Binding: Paperback
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Date Published: 1999-05-16
ISBN-13:9780609805794ISBN:0609805797
Description: Good. Binding is tight and square. No creases in cover or spine. No names, no marks, no stickers. Text is clean and unmarked but pages are somewhat tanned with age, some staining on edges. Has some light edge and corner wear. We recommend EXPEDITED MAIL for even faster delivery! read more
Description: Fair. Dust Cover Missing. Millions of satisfied customers and climbing. Thriftbooks is the name you can trust, guaranteed. Spend Less. Read More. read more
Binding: Trade Paperback
Publisher: Three Rivers Pr, New York, New York, U.S.A.
Date Published: 1999
ISBN-13:9780609805794ISBN:0609805797
Description: Good. Cover has bumping, chipping at edge, residue, marks, crease marks, dents-Edgwear-Bumping pgs-Marks on pgs-Cracked-Cocked-Gauges. read more
Description: Brand New. Paperback. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their ... read more
Binding: Paperback
Publisher: ORION PUBLISHING CO Country = UNITED KINGDOM
Date Published: 2004
ISBN-13:9780752837260ISBN:0752837265
Description: BRAND NEW PAPERBACK. 288 pages. (288 pages) the revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationsh1p-and keep it on track (Paperback) read more
Binding: Hardcover
Publisher: Weidenfeld & Nicholson
Date Published: 1999
ISBN-13:9780297645856ISBN:0297645854
Description: Good. This is an EX LIBRARY copy with all the usual stamps, marks etc. The inside flysheet has been tidily removed. This book is in GOOD overall condition. It shows signs of having been read and has general light wear to the cover, spine and pages. read more
Binding: Hardcover
Publisher: Crown
Date Published: 3/16/1999
ISBN-13:9780609601044ISBN:0609601040
Description: New. FIRST EDITION STATED. Hardback w/ DJ. You are buying a Book in NEW condition with very light shelf wear to include very light edge and corner wear. Buy it Now! ! ! As always, thank you for buying this book from International Book Source, YOUR ONE source FOR ALL your BOOK related NEEDS. Please remember to CHOOSE carefully how QUICKLY you would like to RECEIVE this material FAST, or standard (on next page). Thanks again! ! ! ! read more
Description: Good. Dj has shelf wear. writing on end paper., Used-Good. Sound Copy. Mild Reading Wear. Books uploaded via isbn and stock photos may be different than actual book. read more
"This book is immensely practical as a guide to what matters about how couples treat each other, and why these things matter so much.
For me, it illuminated a repeated conflict in my marriage so that I finally understood what was wrong with what I'd been doing.
Also, we both loved the phrase, "thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood" (they're a no-no, btw) and now whenever one of us seems to be sulking or nursing a grudge, the other one will ask, "Are you having thoughts of.....?" and we will have a laugh together.
Yes, Dr. Gottman does boast quite a bit in this book, which is annoying. But the book has so much insight it was well worth putting up with the bragging."
"This is an amazing book about marriage -- based on quantitative research, not merely opinion. It describes the necessary elements for a healthy relationship, offers exercises to gauge/improve your marriage, and provides tremendous insight if your relationship is already doomed. A great wedding gift! New & old couples alike can benefit from reading this book."
"This book focuses more on how to grow outside of conflict rather than how to solve conflict... and it comes down to friendship. I typically don't like books with titles like this that make it sound cut and dry, but I was attracted to it by the author. Gottman is a renowned marriage researcher who has studied marriage and relationships for over 20 years.
He has some great insights into what goes into a successful marriage."
"I wanted to dislike this book. The title looks like a bald-faced rip-off of Stephen Covey and the author seems to think he's the only person who has ever had a profound thought about marriage. Gottman proclaims that his ideas are different, but there are many similarities between his prescriptions and those of the therapists he disdains. Still, my full head of righteous indignation was wasted, because Gottman won me over by the end.
First, some background. Early in my own marriage I took a series of parenting classes taught by our community's own black-belt of child raising, Linda Jessup. While the focus was parenting, the skills and concepts are the same for marriage (actually they also work at the office, hiring contractors for your house, and many other situations). In these classes I learned many of the skills mentioned in the book, and I can honestly say much of the happiness in my life derives from those early classes.
Anyone who has talked to me about relationships has heard me talk about what I call the "OTMC" ("One True Method of Communication"). I learned it from Linda, but I found it to be one of the few consistent threads in all the self-help books I've read. The OTMC goes as follows: "When you do _____, I feel ____". It takes some practice, and can easily be misused (things like, "When you act like an idiot, I feel like strangling you" are not the OTMC!), but it really does work. While Gottman initially distances himself from the OTMC, he comes around eventually and I did learn a lot from his treatment ("re-learned" is more accurate). Gottman does a good job explaining that there is more to the OTMC than the sentence structure. These include avoiding what he calls the "harsh startup", and avoiding the words "always" and "never".
Linda used to say, "It's easier to build a relationship on respect than on love." Gottman expands on this, and I think he's spot on. He says he can tell the state of a couple's marriage in three minutes of observation. At first I thought that statement was arrogant and far-fetched, but as I read, and remembered Linda's saying, plus the observations I've made of couples I know, I now think it's probably true. Another area of agreement between Linda and Gottman is the concept of the "emotional bank account". I particularly like his concept of "letting your partner influence you". I also liked the idea of "love maps" and the exercises which probe how much you know of the inner thoughts and history of your partner.
I think Linda would approve of this book. What I'm not so sure about is whether you can learn these skills effectively from a book. Gottman gives many examples of untrained partners in his book, but that's not a complete substitute for a trained instructor who can find examples in your own life. Also, the exercises you need to perform to become "trained" are likely to make you feel awkward and uncomfortable, so book readers may skip them. In a class, everybody is embarrassed, but you get through it."
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