About this title: Accounts of the factors that help us understand what risk from strangers looks like, and teaches the reader how to distinguish between fear, worry and anxiety. Both a guide to leading a safer life and a profound exploration of the principles of human behaviour.
Note: This is a general synopsis. Each listing is described below.
Binding: Paperback
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC
Date Published: 1997
ISBN-13:9780747536918ISBN:0747536910
Description: Very Good. Minor peeling to cover otherwise good copy. Next working day dispatch from the UK. Please contact us with any queries. read more
Description: Good. Paperback. May contain some creasing/scuffing to cover and some tanning to pages. But otherwise will be of good quality. FAST DISPATCH. read more
"Wow! This was a good read! Gavin deBecker is a nationally known expert in security, but he is also a very good writer and this book had me sitting on the edge of my chair. At the same time, the purpose of the book was to teach us how to stop being afraid of generalized nonspecific acts of terror and instead rely upon our instincts to inform us exactly when it is time to be afraid and then to act on that fear. He is so smart and so right. He tells hundreds of interesting stories and uses the real names of people involved whenever possible. He talks about stalkers, murderers, rapists, and domestic abusers of every variety.
I found myself agreeing with him on so many issues, including the often erroneous advice which is handed out to everyone to get restraining orders when someone (familial or not) is bothering them. Too often the restraining order is the last straw that causes the perpetrator to escalate and ends in murder or mayhem. Though it may be the appropriate legal advice, that is no consolation to the victim.
In other areas, his advice was just plain common sense. If you see a strange car parked in your neighborhood, and the lights are on in your house, and the cat is out when you left her in,etc., etc., you need to listen to that alarm bell in your head.
He also points out our obvious stupidity in the illusion of safety of using guns to protect yourself. He illustrated with an example, a husband and wife in Texas who told him they each carried a handgun so they could protect themselves and others in case a madman came into a restaurant and started shooting. DeBecker suggests that if the man is concerned with his own personal safety, he should lose 40 pounds and stop smoking, and that it is more likely he and his wife will end up shooting each other. And if he is concerned about the safety of his fellow diners, he should learn CPR, which will certainly prove more useful."
"From Booklist De Becker, a national expert on the prediction and management of violence, thinks most people are great victims because they ignore their fears and survival signals. His frighteningly simple advice will come as no surprise to women: use your intuition. De Becker believes every crime has a warning and a motive and that the code of predictable violence can be broken by trusting the phenomenon that he defines as "knowing without knowing why." If people believe in and are alert to the possibility of danger, they can reduce their risks and save themselves. Written with consummate style, the book recounts the motives, warning signals, and defenses against wife beaters, stalkers, assassins, enraged employees, and violent children. De Becker's experience as a presidential adviser, consultant, expert witness, trainer, and designer of a system that evaluates threats to Supreme Court justices should convince readers to trust the involuntary certainty of fear over the voluntary uncertainty of anxiety when confronted by those to whom senseless acts make perfect sense.
This is an excellent book for ANY woman to read, starting probably in the mid teens and on up. Some younger folks or sheltered folks may find the subject matter too frightening, because De Becker does discuss actual crimes against women, including rape and murder. However, the focus of the book is reminding women to listen to themselves, trust their instincts, and believe in their own senses even if they don't understand why. Highly recommended. Re-read often. Share with friends."
"After a woman was recently assaulted in my neighborhood, I decided to take a self defense class. HaHa - just kidding, I decided to read a book! Seriously, while not a substitute for self defense or locking doors, this is a great book. Gavin de Becker is the founder of a consulting firm that helps politicians, movie stars, and other notable figures avoid stalking, harassment, and assassination. The part of his book that focuses on stalkers and men who might be trying to get you into a position where they can hurt you is particularly helpful to the everyday person. He highlights many of the "techniques" used by potential attackers, and also focuses on listening to yourself, your intuition, and responding to it.
The book is not a checklist or a profile of who will attack you, instead de Becker asks the reader to sharpen their intuition and be aware of their surroundings, as well as understanding common tricks used by people who might try to hurt you. It is especially helpful in encouraging the reader to worry less about "being rude" and more about not encouraging a potential attacker. A good read for every woman - especially pre-teens and teens."
"I find myself frequently thinking and talking about this book not because I live such a life of danger, but because of how it portrays fear. De Becker distinguishes fear as a positive emotion unlike the harmful emotions of worry and anxiety - emotions that I previously viewed as that same. De Becker encourages his readers to pay close attention to our instincts when faced with a potentially dangerous situation. He also describes the steps that a person goes through before they become violent and the things that they do when they have violent intentions. The only part that dragged a bit for me were the beginning chapters where he discusses the psychology of fear and violence. The later chapters that include examples and advice are much more interesting. Although there are some disturbing stories, they are told to teach the lesson of how fear protects us. De Becker ends on a positive note about how all of us have the innate ability to recognize and avoid violence. He teaches that worry and anxiety are destructive emotions that cloud our instincts and ability to recognize true fear. Initially I checked out the book from the library, but there is enough good information that I will want to re-read and share, that I just bought it as well as another of de Becker's books directed to parents of young children."
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