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I keep buying copies of Eyelid Lick and messing them up and buying more copies and messing them up and buying other books and writing "EYELID LICK" on them and messing them up. In a sense, this makes me a really high-level capitalist, and in another sense it makes me, you know, kind of a book pervert.
For instance, I recently bought your favorite book and left it for dead. I'm sorry, but there's no chance it survived. It was wounded, and it was cold out, and night was coming. As I walked away, I chanced to look up. The last traces of orange were draining from a cloud in a way that seemed to read, "Facial Lifestyle," which, as anyone knows, is an N+12 version of "Eyelid Lick". My guilt left me and I knew that my cruelty would not be punished, that this is the law of nature.
I'd recommend this item to a friend, unless I knew that my so-called friend would use it against me.
I'd recommend this item to many world leaders, but especially leaders-for-life.
I'd recommend this item to gardeners, cooks, and scullery maids.
I would not recommend this item to someone doing a Leaving Las Vegas-kinda suicide mission, as it might fall in love with them, and make them second-guess their decision.
I would not recommend this item to skeletons.
You will be arrested if you give this item to a schoolkid.
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